


Attack on Acting

by Heavisi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavisi/pseuds/Heavisi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Shingeki gang is up to no-good on the set. This fic follows the ACTOR AU, which basically means that the events in the anime aren't real and are portrayed by actors. Nobody dies, and everyone goofs off a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Eren stared at his hands, shaking. His green eyes widened as he realized he wasn’t transforming, and that maybe his efforts for mankind would be worth nothing in the end. Why couldn’t he transform? He bit down- again, again, again. But, again, again, again, he received only the sharp pain of injury, and no feeling of odd warmth, as he remembered accompanied earlier transformations. True, he had only transformed twice before, but…

He looked up, at the lip of the well. It was hopeless- he couldn’t transform at all. A familiar face peeked over the edge of the well, and Eren recognized the face of Levi, his corporal. His eyes were shadowed, his back to the sun above. “Eren,” he called down to him. “What’s wrong?”

Eren resisted the strong prick of tears against his eyes, feeling his face heat up. “Corporal, I-” He interrupted himself, looking back down at his hands. “No, I can…” He knew it was probably useless, but he continued to bite down, trying desperately to prove his worth on the corporal’s team. He wanted to belong, he wanted them to see that he could be of some use to mankind…

“Eren, it’s no good.” Levi’s stern voice replied. Eren couldn’t stop the strangled sobs from escaping as he tilted his head upwards to look at the blank expression of Levi. He tried to form words, but they were stuck in his throat.

“Corporal…” he whispered, knowing Levi probably couldn’t hear him. 

“You had one job!” He screamed, his face contorting into a grin. “You done fucked up, Jaeger!“ Eren tried to hold back his laughter as he heard his other teammates break into giggles. “You do the thing and kill the titans!” He turned to leave, and Eren burst into a fit of laughter as Levi screamed back down at him again, “I’m getting real tired of your shit, Jaeger!”

Eren couldn’t hold in the laughter. He fell to his knees, shaking as he heard everyone above him do the same. “Cut! Godammit, Levi!” The director yelled, and Eren clutched at his stomach.

“No, it’s bullshit, man!” Levi continued, causing Eren to gasp for air. They had already done this scene almost three times. He wiped at his eyes, ridding them of tears, but staining his cheeks with faint blood. “This kid can’t even wipe his own ass!”

“Levi, for Christ’s sake!” Eren choked out, trying to stand. His body still quaked with silent laughter.

The director kept trying to direct in a serious tone, but Eren could still hear the amusement in his voice. “Positions!” The director cleared his throat as Eren assumed his rightful position. “Last take! Lets get serious here, Levi.” 

Eren chuckled once more, knowing full well this would probably not be the last take.

__________________________

Armin hung motionless in the grip of the bearded titan as it opened his mouth wide, preparing to drop him in. It released his shirt, and Armin fell. He only managed a small hoarse gasp before he was sliding down the tongue of the titan. It was disgustingly vile, and he knew there was no way he’d make it out of this situation alive. He knew he’d slow down Eren and Mikasa, he was weak. He was useless. He couldn’t possibly have helped them in any way- Mikasa was much stronger than he, and Eren, while lacking in strategy, was always much more courageous and willing than he. Armin had only his wit, but of course, he couldn’t slay titans with that, and he realized this as he slid back in the titan’s mouth, knowing the end was incredibly near…

A single hand grabbed Armin’s wrist, and Armin opened his eyes, not realizing he’d closed them. They landed upon the determined face of his childhood friend, his teeth clenched, his fist holding onto Armin’s wrist. “Eren?” Armin gasped, scanning his friend’s face. Eren didn’t say anything, but instead heaved, thrusting his friend free from the claws of death that awaited for him in the mouth of the bearded titan. Armin cried out as his shoulder hit the tiled roof, but he didn’t care about that right now. He swiftly crawled back to the edge of the roof, reaching for Eren. He gasped when he saw Eren was trying to talk.

“We can’t die here, can we, Armin?” He choked out, and Armin felt tears stream down his face. Eren looked up, blood staining the area around his eyes, and he yelled with all his might at his friend as he reached out for him. “We never got Beyoncé’s autograph!” 

Armin rolled onto the roof, wheezing with laughter. “Cut!” The director yelled in fake frustration, throwing his cap across the stage. Eren’s body shook so hard with laughter Armin thought he’d fall out of the mouth of the titan. “Eren, how many times do we have to do this scene! Take four, get ready, everyone.” Armin rubbed at his eyes, wiping away the fake tears. “Let’s get serious, people. Get it right this time!” 

__________________________

The corporal’s squad sat upon their horses, streaking frantically through the forest at speeds that wouldn’t be possible for a normal horse. They were trying to escape. Or at least, that’s what they thought they were doing. Levi wasn’t answering their pleas for orders, and they were all becoming extremely panicked as the female titan neared them, taking out their defensive forces as if it were simple. 

“Corporal!” Petra shouted, her eyes fraught with worry. “Orders, corporal!” 

Erd cussed quietly to Eren’s left. “Corporal, give us our orders!”

Levi sat leaned over his horse, firmly gripping the reigns. They sped on, Levi not saying a word. “Corporal Levi,” Eren pleaded, desperately looking to Levi to give any hint of what was going through his mind. They were all in danger, they’d be killed if they did nothing! Or worse, they’d risk the lives of everyone else… “Please give us our orders!”

Levi turned slightly, giving Eren a look he couldn’t decipher. Just as he opened his mouth, Eren could tell from the smirk on his face they’d have to do this scene over again. “Drop it like it’s hot!” He screamed, breaking into laughter at the end. Somewhere on the set, someone started playing “Drop It Like It’s Hot” through the speakers, and the group slowed their horses immediately, as they were all doubled over in laughter. Auruo actually fell off of his horse, and Eren would have followed him had he not caught himself on the reins of his horse. 

“Who the fuck’s doing that? Cut!” The director screamed at them, and Eren looked up to see Petra coughing, blinded by her laughter. Levi continued to ride his horse around the group in a circle, grinning like an idiot. “You guys, get it together! This is our seventh take now! Levi, say the damn line!” Levi only continued to grin, and he nodded, trying to regain the composure of his character. “Seriously! Alright, back to your positions!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the characters in this anime don't look their age.

The heat in the courtyard was almost unbearable. The tanned, older man yelling in Armin’s face was even more so. “Who the hell are you?” He screamed at him.

Armin retained his pose, his right fist over his heart. “Armin Arlert from Zhiganshina district, sir!”

The man screamed back. “Is that so? What a ridiculous name!” Armin was slightly offended, but he knew the man was just trying to break him down for training. “Did your father name you that?”

Armin raised his voice, answering the man. “Your mother did, sir!”

The other cadets immediately started laughing, and the other man chuckled and stepped back away from Armin. Armin broke his pose, earning a high-five from Eren.

“Honestly!” The director yelled for the millionth time that day. “Armin, come on!” Armin saw the director roll his eyes, putting a hand to his exhausted forehead. Armin shrugged, chuckling.

__________________________

  
This was it. Humanity was doomed. Eren stared shaking, feeling utterly helpless in the shadow that was now enveloping the small town of Zhiganshina. They were going to die. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. The ground shook beneath them shook violently, and Erne didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. The colossal titan’s foot swung through, breaking an opening in Wall Maria. Steam, parts of houses, and people went soaring, thrown back the sudden impact, and Eren couldn’t move, only staring. Boulders from the wall landed like meteors, and caused waves in the ground, sending even more steam and dirt everywhere. Armin only squeaked next to him, but eventually Eren found his voice.

“We’re so fucked!” He screamed, grabbing Mikasa’s shoulders and screaming at her as she giggled. “We’re so hella fucked!”

Armin swatted at his back, laughing as the director called at them from across the stage. “Not again, you guys!”

“You said a bad word!” Armin’s younger actor scolded, but he still laughed. The younger Mikasa actress continued to giggle, unwrapping her scarf.

“How long do I have to wear this stupid thing?” She cried out, rubbing at her neck. “It’s itchy!”

At that, Eren’s actor burst into a fit of laughing himself, and the director sighed. “You bitch, I gave that to you after I saved your life!” He choked out through gasps, and Mikasa’s laughed with him.

Armin’s actor stomped his foot. “You guys! This is the third time, come on! And stop cussing!” But he was still chuckling a little.

From across the stage, Eren yelled to his younger counterpart. “Good job, little me!”

“Don’t encourage it!” The director yelled at the same time Armin did, and Eren’s younger actor started laughing again. “Alright, take five, get that wall ready again.”

__________________________

Levi was supposed to be Eren’s protector. His corporal, his guardian angel. Then, why? Eren sat next to him nervous and very afraid. Why had Levi just assaulted him like that? It hurt more than getting his leg torn off, not that he remembered much about that anyway. The fact that Levi didn’t have the guts to beat him up like that when he wasn’t chained enraged him, but hero worship for Levi won out in the end, so here he sat, next to humanity’s strongest soldier, shaking and flinching at his every move.

“Are you scared of me, Eren?” He asked, turning his stony eyes to Eren’s huge green ones.

“No, sir! I…” He stuttered, recoiling at his sharp stare. His face was very angular, yet young-looking, too. Eren crossed his arms. “How old are you, Levi?”

Levi only blinked, already used to Eren’s frequent breaks of character by now. He turned to the director off camera, not missing a beat. “How old am I, anyway?”

The director groaned. “Cut,” he said, not bothering to yell anymore. He cleared his hoarse throat. “Your character is over thirty, Levi.”

“Over thirty?” He replied, standing up. “Do I really look over thirty?” Eren giggled, and Erwin covered his mouth with his hand, but he could still hear him chuckling with his deep voice. “No, for real! I’m twenty-four! Do I look over thirty to you?”

“Levi, the script-”

“I’m serious! Who thought that I could pass as a thirty-year-old guy?” He yelled back, fake-frustrated. “You casted Auruo as a 19-year-old dude and he looks fifty!”

“Hey!” Auruo yelled off-screen, and Gunther, at his side, laughed harder.

The director sighed, getting up from his chair. “Lunch break, I’m done with you idiots for now.”

Eren suddenly sat up, saluting the director as he did when filming. “Yes, sir!” That little crack earned him even more laughter from the room.

“Idiots.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not as funny, but improvising is fun, too.

A single crunch of teeth biting down on a baked potato echoed throughout the courtyard. Instructor Shadis immediately froze in his place, leaving Connie dangling in mid-air. Some of the other trainees looked for the source of the sudden noise, but they didn’t have to look too far. 

All of the trainees gave looks of sheer disbelief as their eyes fell upon Sasha, chewing on a potato. Connie grunted as he was dropped back in place once Instructor Shadis released him. The tanned man proceeded to stride over to the brunette’s place, staring her down.

“You! What the hell are you doing?” He shouted.

Sasha looked around nervously, as if she didn’t know who the Instructor was talking to. Jean leaned over to Connie and whispered so only Connie could hear him. “This wasn’t in the script.” Connie only nodded dumbly, eyes wide as he stared at Sasha, who proceeded to take another bite of potato.

“I’m talking to you!” The bald man shouted in Sasha’s face, and Jean silently marveled at how he never broke character, even if some of the other actors didn’t follow the script. ‘Who the fuck are you?”

Sasha quickly gulped down the bite of potato she had just taken and saluted the Instructor. “Sasha Braus, from Dauper Village, South of Wall Rose, sir!” Connie figured she realized she should react in character, since Shadis had already.

“Sasha Braus…” The Instructor repeated slowly, staring down at the young actress. “What are you holding in your right hand?”

If Sasha knew anything, it was that she should never break character when the cameras were rolling, much unlike Eren or Levi. She quickly thought of a response. “It’s a steamed potato, sir! I found one that was lying in the kitchen!” The trainees around her ultimately decided that acting surprised would be deemed as in-character, so they kept staring at the train wreck before them.

“Did you steal that?” Instructor Shadis retained the same bleak tone as he did when talking on-camera. “Why are you eating it now?” 

What would Sasha’s character say in this situation? She was sure that everyone else was wondering the same thing, too. “It’s best when eaten warm,” she answered, unfaltering in her statement. She hated it when Eren goofed off in an important scene, so she tried her best to stay in-character, regardless of the fact that she was the one who derailed the scene in the first place by chewing on a potato in the middle. Her character wasn’t really supposed to get this much attention, but she had brought it on herself, after all. “I thought that eating it right now would be the best course of action, sir.”

“That reasoning is beyond me. Why are you eating a potato?” It seemed Instructor Shadis wanted to teach Sasha a lesson about messing up a scene- he wasn’t letting her off the hook so easy.

Sasha furrowed her brow, groping for an answer. ‘Are you asking why people eat potatoes in general, sir?” She managed to keep her voice relatively steady, knowing this segment may very well make the final cut with how things were going so far.

Eren, Connie, and many other actors gave looks of utter surprise at her ability to maintain character in such a spur-of-the-moment ordeal. They continued to gape as they watched Sasha break off a piece of the potato in her hand, giving Instructor Shadis the smaller half. 

Keith Shadis, not sure what to do with such a display of devotion to a character, only recoiled slightly, staring at Sasha. “Half?” He questioned, lifting the small piece to see it better.

Sasha, having to improvise for so long, neared her exhaustion point. She smiled at the Instructor.

The other trainees burst into applause, and Shadis began laughing. The director called at Sasha from across the stage. “Sasha, good job improvising!’ 

Connie walked over as Sasha began to laugh with the Instructor. “Where did you even get that potato?”

“From the kitchen! I wasn’t lying- I was hungry,” she replied, and Instructor Shadis laughed harder.

“You’re insane!” Eren said from her left.

“Says the kid who goofs off every five minutes!” She huffed back, and Mikasa giggled behind her in agreement. “If I had your part, I wouldn’t screw up so many important scenes.”

Mina yelled from her right in agreement, and Thomas joined her. Armin laughed, turning to Eren. “They have a point, Eren.”

He rolled his eyes at them, waving away the accusations. He turned to the director. “Are you guys keeping that?”

“Hell yeah! That’ll be way better than the scene we were gonna do.” Eren stopped listening as the director drifted off about cutting into another scene with Sasha, as he didn’t really care unless it involved him. “Good job, everyone! Take five.”

__________________________

 

It was hilarious in a bittersweet way. Corrupted, insane, and sad but also funny in a twisted way. That’s what Annie thought as she stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at Armin, who had tried to lead her away from her true self. She was a bad person to everyone else but him, because she decided to play his game. It almost made her feel bad about what she was about to do, but she was so deep in madness- outwards and inwards- that all she could do was laugh and roll with what fate had decided.

“Armin,” she started, claming herself from her sudden outbreak of laughter. “I’m glad I could be a good person for you.” The first part was true, in any case, but she wasn’t a good person. Not in the least, not by her standards. “You’ve won your bet.” She said wistfully, then her eyes widened as she grinned maliciously. “But this is where my bet begins!”

She almost didn’t hear Armin shoot off the smoke gun. Suddenly, she was flooded with people. They rolled from rooftops, jumped from crates, leaped from stairs. Annie was held at bay, her thumb held away from her mouth. She couldn’t transform. But she also couldn’t keep in her laughter at the ridiculously abnormal condition of the villagers.

“What the fuck kind of villagers are these anyway?” She screamed, laughing. “This kid just parkoured his way over here and-”

“Cut!” Came the awaited call, and the groan that followed. “Annie.”

“No, listen! What the hell kind of villagers can rabbit-jump over shit like that? Is there something you need to tell me?” Armin and Eren started laughing, too, and Mikasa sighed playfully. “And what’s up with that cliché line? ’I’ll slice you up, female titan’?” She said the line with an overly dramatic voice, and Mikasa started laughing, too.

“Keep your hands off my man, titan bitch!” Mikasa said through gasps, and Annie roared with laughter. 

“Can we change her line to that?” Annie asked, still laughing. The director sighed in response.

“Oh my God, can we?” Eren agreed, his eyes widening as he looked at the director hopefully.

The director growled. “No! Positions, we’re doing the take again. And do it by the script this time!”

__________________________

Levi didn’t know what was happening. This plan was supposed to work. It was supposed to, but it didn’t. Eren wasn’t really supposed to transform, but he did anyway. But, as Levi thought about it, that could work to their benefit. Eren could lure the female titan to the rendezvous point in his own titan form, and then, they’d attack. They’d capture it- destroy it, if need be- and end this madness that was brought as soon as Levi saw Eren’s stupid face.

The roar increased in volume as Levi neared the clearing in the forest. His face slowly darkened as he passed his fallen teammates- Gunther. Erd. Auruo. The gas spilling from his gear faded to a stop as he landed on a tree limb, staring at the bloodied body at the base. Petra. His companion. His squad member. His friend. He couldn’t bring himself to look away from her corpse, battered and crushed against the trunk. The wind gently played with her hair.

“Petra.” he whispered with a hoarse voice which cracked at the end sadly. He never showed emotion, but the dead kept secrets well, didn’t they? “Petra,” he repeated, inhaling. “You have something on your face.”

Petra began giggling, and Levi grinned, realizing he had her. “It’s more like, all over your face. And your nose is bleeding, too, I don’t know if-”

“Levi!” She coughed, laughing. She sat up as the director cut the scene. “Oh my God, I hate you! That position is really uncomfortable!”

Auruo and the others began to move in the background, too, and Levi snickered. “Yeah,” Erd called, chuckling. “Let us have our moment, this is our last moment for screen-time.”

“And why’d you stop at Petra? We’re just as dead over here!” Auruo continued, and Gunther laughed. 

“Spread the dead!” Erd chanted with Gunther playfully as the director walked from the stage.

“You guys suck.”


End file.
